Give the Benefit of the Doubt; You Deserve It

Last week I shared Chalmers Brothers' Ted Talk. If you missed it, I would highly recommend watching it. It is worth the time.

One of his key points is that everyone can have slightly different understandings of an event. He asserts that this is not because some people are objective and others are not. Instead, he contends that everyone's experiences and expectations lead to a variety of opinions about what actually occurred.

Even if this is not the case, his advice is incredibly powerful. He says to analyze what has happened "given the results you want achieve." Take control of the situation. Forget about figuring out who wronged you or why they did it and focus instead on what you can do from this point forward to succeed. 

I find that too much of my life has been spent arguing or complaining about what happened instead of developing solutions that will be beneficial for everyone. Group projects provide an excellent example.

For instance, if one member does not complete his portion of the work, apologizes, and promises to finish it soon, you have a choice to make. 

First, you must determine if his apology is sincere and whether he is capable of completing the work. Second, you make a decision given the results you want to achieve. If it seems like it is likely that he will complete his work by the next deadline, you can proceed with new guidelines to ensure that he does, indeed, finish the work. If he seems unable to complete the work, make the decision to move on.

The important thing to note is that at no point in this process is complaining necessary. In reality, any complaining or arguing about the original lack of follow-through will slow down the process and cloud your judgement. If you end up deciding to move forward with him, it will be counter-productive to hold ill-will. If you decide that he is a liability to your team and incapable of accomplishing the task, learn from it and keep acting given the results you want to achieve. Again, it is not at all necessary to continue to focus on his shortcomings.

Whatever the original circumstances are, you can give the benefit of doubt and make the decision that is best for the group. Two things can be true at the same time:

1. You can act with the team's best interests in mind

2. You can respect everyone on the team, even those who made mistakes

Learning to frame events in this powerful way has impacted my entire life. For example, there is no need for wondering if someone intended to insult me if assuming that they did not leads to a better working relationship. You and I have the power to control what we think of people. Use that power to your advantage.

There is one final thing we must remember. Just because we are not going to focus on things that will detract from us reaching our goals does not mean that our words do not matter to others. Language is powerful. The way we speak, act, and engage in relationships have serious consequences. Be conscious of the way people are receiving your message and do your best to clearly articulate your message and remember: if someone had a different interpretation of what you said than you intended, do not waste time arguing about your intent. Instead ensure that your message is conveyed in this second opportunity. As the saying goes, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." 

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